Next month will actually see me attending my 25th Anniversary School Reunion. Is it really possible that I finished school 25 years ago?!?!? There may well be a lot of people at the function that I haven’t seen for 25 years.
Where has the time gone?
And here lies the dilemma… When I left school at 16, I was a size 10/12, big boobed clueless girl, and now I am a size 24, big boobed vintage girl.
Whilst I love my look, style and dress sense, I am unsure how to dress for this reunion. It is SO far out of my comfort zone, that I am getting anxiety just thinking about it. At school I had a relatively ok time of it. Yes, there was the teasing and catcalling that goes with being at senior school, however I can’t recall any massive issues. Just the lack of confidence and gawkishness that comes with being a teenager.
The thought of meeting up with the people from my past, has got me feeling like that 15 year old again, nervous, worried that I am not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, popular enough. Just like back at School.
Yes, I totally understand that everyone will have changed – gained weight, lost weight, lost hair, gained wrinkles etc and it’s possible that others will feel just the same way I do.
I might not even recognise all the faces. But that is fine! It is more about what face I put on.
Do I turn up as me? Vintage style rolled hair, big dress, petticoats galore? Or do I tone things down a little, not sticking out, and try and blend in with the background?
I don’t want to revert back to being a teenager and worrying that people are talking and sniggering at me behind my back, but equally I want to be me, and Vintage is what I am now.
I am sure I am probably worrying unnecessarily, but worrying about it I certainly am.
The event is just under three weeks away and already I am flapping.
I could see this as another challenge, something else to rise to.
I still have a total fear of walking into a pub or event on my own, and this is sure to be one hell of an event. I need confidence, sparkling conversation and a devil-may-care attitude.
But at the moment, all I see is the nervous, unsure me creeping back out of the woodwork…