If you have seen “Four Weddings and a Funeral” OR love poetry, you will invariably know the poem “Funeral Blues” by W.H Auden.

Those clocks have now stopped for me, with the passing of my beloved Mum.

This post isn’t to talk too much about her death, but to let out some of my grief through writing as that is how I have always helped my Mental Health.

I have spoken over the past couple of months about looking after Mum and my Uncle and Cousin, for whom I have guardianship.

Since November 2022 I have lived at my childhood home on and off which coincided with hospital admissions for Mum. However from February 2023 I started staying permanently as Mum was unpredictable with her health.

During the middle of May, Mum came home for good and I cared for her day and night. Medication, personal hygiene, feeding, drinking and more were all down to me as Mum had become bed-bound.

She hated it all. She hated being unable to help herself and hated relying on others.

Mum was a simple person.

She didn’t like a lot of fuss, never wanted to be a bother and was used to looking after everyone else, not being the one that needed the looking after.

Over the last few weeks I had taken great pleasure in getting Mum out and about in the local area; starting with hair shampoos at my wonderful hair salon.

This progressed to clothes shopping trips in nearby towns where she treated herself to a whole new wardrobe due to her weight loss. Another favourite was short walks to the local Sainsburys, with her being pushed in her wheelchair. We would buy an ice cream or lolly and walk back slowly, ice cream dripping everywhere.

Mum enjoyed every moment of these simple pleasures and so did I.

When Mum entered the hospital on Monday 24th July, I didn’t expect that less than 24 hours later she would be gone. She was stable and responding to antibiotics and I expected that I would be visiting the next day with the baby pink nail varnish that she was insistent that I take over.

Alas, that was not to be.

Going forward is hard. I am now an “orphan” as both my parents have passed. But my Uncle and Cousin are still alive and well, and I am now their permanent guardian.

The biggest issue I have come up against in organising Mum’s funeral is that there is nobody left to ask for information or facts from. She was the one who remembered everything, every little details, birthdays, anniversaries, dates of holidays, what date people died on.

She was the one that I would ask for information, but her history was never written down. I barely know my own grandparents names as they were dead long before I was born.

I have found umpteen photographs of family members and I haven’t a clue who they are.

Mum has a big bag full of paperwork and there are birth, death and baptism certificates in there for people I have never heard of.

And this is sad.

They should be known and remembered, but all the people who would be able to tell me about them, have passed away.

I intend making sure this doesn’t happen going forward.

This blog will actually be a big part of that as it chronicles my adventures as well as my love of clothing, shoes and hats.

There are many more adventures to experience and I know that in years to come it will be something that both family and friends can look back on and reminisce.

I also intend trying to write down dates and facts into a timeline so that this can be passed down.

I wish Mum was here.

Both to ask her all the things I need to know and to tell her all the things I never got round to.

Rest in Peace, Mum.

SPSG xxx